Today we ask that you learn how to encourage.

Most of you are not taught as children how to be encouraging, to yourself or others.

You are taught with a system of “reward and punishment.”

The system of reward and punishment is highly effective for conditioning and indoctrination.  You can get rats to solve mazes and dogs to salivate on cue with reward and punishment.  You can train soldiers to carry out commands and kill enemies with reward and punishment.

But you will never help a human being to evolve and lead a fulfilled life with reward and punishment.

Reward and punishment is a system based on fear.

Encouragement is a system based on love.

Reward and punishment keeps people obedient to their tribe, culture, and society.  It is opposed to change and evolution.

Encouragement promotes positive change and evolution beyond the limited boundaries of tribe, culture, and society.

Reward and punishment tends to be effective in the short term, but breaks down in the long term.

Encouragement will not give you a “quick fix,” but it will create long term, lasting change.

That is why systems of self-improvement based on reward and punishment almost always fail in the long term.

For example, diets undertaken under a system of reward and punishment almost always fail in the long term.  The weight may be initially lost, but it will be gained back later.

Parents who lean toward reward and punishment as a teaching method may gain short term obedience, but in the long term will see that their children have difficulty thriving and adapting in a free and constantly changing and evolving world.

If you were raised in an environment that leaned toward reward and punishment, you will need to unlearn and undo your conditioning and indoctrination.  This is entirely possible.

All you must do is learn to encourage yourself, and stop punishing yourself.

This means being actively appreciative of all the good things you do.

It means, telling yourself “Good job!” when you accomplish even the smallest of tasks.

It means, not screaming at yourself that you’re a failure every time you fall short of your own expectations.

It also means, not falling into the habit of “rewarding yourself for good behavior.”  It means not saying: “I’ll give myself a treat when I do something good.  Since I went to the gym three times this week, I’m entitled to that ice cream.”  Ultimately, this will only reinforce your conditioning.

If you feel incapable of doing this for yourself, start with other people.

Learn to encourage your partners, children, coworkers, family members, and the people you encounter in daily life.

Learn to thank and encourage people for the good things they do.

Refrain from punitively attacking people when they fall short of your expectations.

While in the short term this may feel frustrating, and you may feel like things are not getting accomplished as fast as you want them to, in the long term what you will find is that encouragement is a much more effective method of working with people to create positive change.

As you do with others, you can learn to do for yourself.

If you are truly interested in positive change, you must transition from a system of “reward and punishment,” to “encouragement.”

This must happen on an individual and societal level.

But it starts with individuals.  It starts with you.

Today we ask that you hear that life is easy.

It is okay if you don’t believe it.  All that is asked is that you hear it.

Most of you were taught from an early age that life is hard.

You were taught this by parents who believed that life is hard.

And your parents were taught by their parents that life is hard.

And on and on back into remote history, humans have been believing “life is hard.”

It is encoded into your religions.  You are told, you have fallen out of Eden, so life must be hard.  You are in the wheel of birth and death and karma, so life must be hard.

But actually, life is not hard.

Butterflies do not believe life is hard.

Animals do not believe life is hard.

They may experience pain, fear, and discomfort.  But they do not go around believing “life is hard.”  Only humans do that.

“Life is hard” is a belief.  It is not a fact.

It is all a matter of perspective.

Some people believe that life is hard because they are poor.

But of course very rich people also believe life is hard.  There are not many rich people who believe their lives are easy.

In fact, a rich person might look at someone with relatively little money, who lives a simpler life, and think: “That person’s life seems so easy and uncomplicated.”

Parents with young children think that life is hard.

But couples who desire children but cannot have them also think that life is hard.

People who have a lot of work to do think that life is hard.

But people who are not employed also think that their life is hard.

Can you see that it is a matter of perspective?

Really, life is easy.

You wake up.

There are things to do.

When you are not doing things, you rest.

That is how animals see it.

The problem is, humans spend too much time thinking about problems when nothing bad is actually happening to them.

So instead of resting when it is time to rest, you think about problems.

That’s why so many of you are tired all the time.

It would be good for many of you to play with the idea that “life is easy.”

Notice how this is true.

Consider all your modern conveniences.  Consider how easy it is for most of you to eat and drink and stay clean.

Consider the warmth of your bed at night.

Consider how easy it is for you to communicate with someone all the way across the world.

If you think about it, you may see many ways that your life is easy.

And if you tell yourself “life is easy,” and teach your children that “life is easy,” your life may transform in interesting ways.

It is okay if you feel a lot of resistance around this idea.  It is natural, since most of you learned in early childhood that “life is hard.’

And yet life is easy.

Today we ask that you ground yourselves.

You are all beings who dwell on the Earth.  You are deeply influenced by the rhythms of nature — the seasons, the phases of the moon, the tides, the movements of the Earth’s core, the solar rhythms, the movements of the planets and stars.

Yet many humans live very cut off from nature.  The days are unchanging, spent in the artificial glow of the computer screen, the TV screen, the phone screen.  You stay indoors all the time.  You work out in gyms with the TV blaring.  There is no peace, no quiet, no silence.

The human body is not accustomed to living in such a way, and it wreaks havoc on your nervous system. This causes anxiety, depression, and illness — much of which could be eased if humans relearned how to ground themselves.  

As much as possible, it is good to spend time outdoors, in nature.

It is good to be with animals and small children.

It is good to have quiet time away from the phone, computer, and TV.

It is good to go outside at night and see what the moon is up to.

It is good to sometimes watch the sun rise, or set.

It is good to stand with your bare feet on the earth.

It is good to sit with your loved ones in a dark room lit only by candlelight or a fireplace, when you are in the dark of winter.

All these activities help to ground you, and restore your connection to the rhythms of nature.

For many of you who deal with anxiety and stress in your body, this alone can bring you substantial relief.

Ideally, all of you should spend at least a few days each year in a natural retreat, “off the grid.”  This would be at least as beneficial as any form of “detox,” if not more so.

Ground yourselves.  Honor your human body, and its need to connect with the deep, primal rhythms of nature.

Today we ask that you learn not to trust your fear responses.

This is not easy.  But ultimately, all human evolution requires a deep mastery over instinctive fears.

Many of you, no matter how intelligent, educated, or spiritual you may be, can fall to pieces when your instinctive fears are triggered.

In fact, when fear is triggered, many people become totally unlike their normal, rational selves.

People are often like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  Like vampires and werewolves, all humans carry around a lower, more animalistic self — a self that is triggered by fear and trauma.

You all carry around your own versions of “Mr. Hyde.”

Maybe you turn into Mr. Hyde when you are stuck in a traffic jam.

Maybe you turn into Mr. Hyde when you are trying to speak to a service representative on the phone.

Maybe you turn into Mr. Hyde when dealing with someone whose politics are opposed to yours.

Maybe you turn into Mr. Hyde when you open a credit card bill.

There is a feeling of losing control.  You cannot think clearly.  You may do or say things you regret later.

All humans are asked to face this part of themselves.  The goal is not to suppress Mr. Hyde, but to be able to consciously and effectively calm yourself down without losing control to one’s animalistic fears.

Learning to do this is the work of a lifetime.  But being able to sit with trigger situations without getting reactive will allow you to experience life in a much richer and more rewarding way.

That is why we so often recommend practices like meditation and yoga — techniques which instill a sense of peace and calm to the mental, emotional, and physical bodies.  This helps to soothe your savage beast.

It is useful to pay attention to those moments when your “Mr. Hyde” comes out, when you experience anxiety, panic, anger, and impulsivity.  These are the moments when it is crucial to breathe, relax, and recenter.

If you learn to do this, you will experience much more joy in life.  And you will naturally be more productive, since you are not losing so much energy to fear.  Being Mr. Hyde takes up a lot of energy.

Today we ask that you slow down and take a breath.

In general, people these days are not very good at just letting themselves slow down and take a breath.

Always, there are twenty things you ought to be doing.  Always there is the phone, and Facebook, and texting, and email, and TV, and errands, and work, and self-improvement.  There is so much to do, more than you can ever possibly do in a day.  So people are always running around, breathless.  

This is not good for the human nervous system, which requires periods of deep rest and relaxation in order to function.

Instead of reaching for the coffee when you feel tired, can you just let yourself rest?

You do have the time.

Many of you spend time each day watching TV, or aimlessly browsing the internet.  This is not restful.  You are stimulating your nervous system, when you do this.

If you are someone who always feels stressed and tired, here is something you can try.

Instead of watching TV or looking at the computer at night, take a bath and go to bed early.

Instead of watching TV or looking at the computer at night, listen to soothing music, and do some gentle relaxing exercises.

Your TV shows and Facebook friends aren’t going anywhere, if you leave them be for a night.

Slow down for once.  Take a breath.

If you are tired, that doesn’t mean it’s time for coffee.

It means it’s time to rest.

Today we ask that you understand that you cannot be slaves to other people’s opinions.

You will never be truly free until you stop worrying what people think.

This does not mean, be an insensitive, unpleasant person.

It just means that any parent, teacher, authority figure, family member, partner or friend who tells you that you are worthless or should be ashamed is wrong.

Do you understand?

Anyone who ever tells you that you are worthless and should be ashamed is wrong.

Wrong, meaning delusional and crazy.

It is literally impossible for any living being to be “worthless.”

What does that mean, “worthless”?

Nothing is worthless.

A pile of dung is not worthless.  It contains energy and nutrients.  It is fertilizer.

The tiniest of creatures is an absolute miracle.  Single-celled organisms are fantastic, amazing, and perfect.

Can you see that a single-celled organism has “worth”?

Can you see that a water molecule has “worth”?

Can you see that everything has “worth”?

So how can you be an exception?  How could you, alone of all beings, be worthless?

Therefore if anyone ever implies that you are worthless, that person is clearly delusional, and cannot be listened to.  

This is true if it is your own voice in your head saying so.  If you believe that you are worthless, take it as a sign that you are delusional.  You cannot believe your thoughts.

So do not be concerned with “what people think.”

Do not cause harm to others.  But do not be concerned with their opinions.

Any human who ever created something new and amazing was inevitably called worthless by others.

In fact, if you are someone who is creating new, amazing, and beautiful things, you can always count on someone calling you worthless.  Take it as a sign that you are going in the right direction.  But never listen to that voice.

Today we ask that you acknowledge the ways in which you have changed for the good.

It is not uncommon to think that “people never change.”  And it is true that many people do not change markedly in a lifetime.  This is especially true when they are very rooted in their tribe, family, and culture, and do not question the the beliefs with which they were indoctrinated as children.

However, many people have begun the process of rebuilding and reshaping themselves into ones who are free from their genetic, familial, tribal, and cultural conditioning.  Unprecedented numbers of people are realizing that they do not have to be just like their parents, and do not have to live lives rooted in fear, scarcity, tribalism, and victim consciousness.

Most of you reading these words are such people.

But it is very easy even for spiritually open people to still be hard on themselves.

You hold up the idea of the spiritually liberated person, and you attack yourself for not measuring up.

Why are you not peaceful and calm all the time?  Why do you still have so much conflict and drama in your life?  Why are you not more financially abundant?  Why are you not more “successful” — in an evolved way, of course.  

This is a very sneaky way in which your egoic conditioning likes to creep in and undermine what you are doing.  You are not spiritual enough!  You’re no Buddha, no enlightened one.  You’re still as messy and reactive as any messed-up, reactive human.

Of course you are.  Because you are human, like it or not.

All of you reading these words have already come a long, long way.  Much farther than you may think.

And if you you sit with this, you will see it is true.  If you think about who you used to be five, ten, twenty years ago (and do not listen to your critical inner voice), you will see that you really have changed for the better.

It is good to spend time acknowledging all the very good work you have done.  This encourages you to keep doing it, instead of throwing up your hands and saying: “It’s hopeless, I give up, I’ll never be evolved, I’ll never be enlightened.”

Such doubts are actually extremely commonplace when you are right at the threshold of taking a very big step.

And many of you are in such a place right now.  You are right at the threshold of taking a very big step.

So if you are assailed by self-doubt, take it as a sign that you are going in the right direction.

And honor how far you’ve come.

Today we ask that you understand that fear always blocks love.

Any blockage you experience in life is caused by fear.  

If you feel a lack of love or joy or abundance in your existence, it is because you are carrying around a lot of fear energy, and this blocks flow.

Look at your relationships.  To the measure that you feel any fear or anxiety about the people you are in relationships with, this will create separation, disconnection, and resentment.

Consciously you may think: “I am not afraid of my husband,” or “I am not afraid of my child.”  But if you sit honestly with this question, you may notice that you carry a lot of fear around your loved ones.

It is good to be conscious of these fears, because if the fears are unconscious, it means you will act them out in mindless reactivity.

Many of you carry a lot of trauma in your bodies and minds.  These are old wounds that are not healed, and create pain, stiffness, and lack of flow.

While it is good to understand what life events have caused this trauma, spending years in therapy examining and reliving these traumas over and over again can actually help to perpetuate the pain.  There are diminishing returns around investigating and reliving trauma.  Initially, it can be very useful; but at a certain point, this is no longer true.

On the whole, methods that work directly with the unconscious mind are more effective than methods that work with the conscious intellect alone.

That is why empty mind meditation is a very effective form of therapy that involves no words or conscious thinking, in the usual sense.

Other tools, like hypnotherapy, as well as methods that involve tapping on the body or engaging in eye movement patterns — like EFT — can be very effective.  Such tools work with the unconscious, where most of your fear resides.  Also, affirmations, when used with wisdom, can be a good tool in this regard.

Many people spend their whole lives being run by unconscious fears.  Every decision they make is motivated by fear.  You can tell when someone is carrying around a lot of fear, because they tend to behave fearfully, and often crazily.  If you encounter someone whose behavior seems bizarre, crazy, and self-destructive, rather than get angry at this person and judge them harshly, it is good to realize that this person is simply carrying around a lot of unconscious fear and is deeply confused.  

It is possible to discharge unconscious fear and trauma.  Talking about it works only to a point.  It is good to balance any talking therapy with meditative practices, physical practices like yoga or massage, and practices that work directly with the unconscious.  

Today we ask that you understand that worrying about people or situations does not help anything.

For many of you, worry is simply how you demonstrate that you care.  If you love someone, you worry.  If you are concerned about an issue, you worry about it.

And so “caring” is linked with “worry.”

This is extremely problematic.

You see, worry is fear.

And fear is actually opposed to love.  Fear is like a toxin whose presence makes it difficult for love to thrive.

Therefore, when you worry about someone, you actually love that person less.

This may sound outrageous, but it is absolutely true.

When you worry about someone, you love them less.

Why is this so?

Because now this person you love is linked in your consciousness with feelings of anxiety.

Feelings of anxiety are very unpleasant.

So when you worry about someone, you begin to associate that person with an unpleasant sensation.  This creates an aversion.

Any time you worry about someone, there is a sense that this person is a burden for you.

Out of that feeling of aversion and burden grows resentment.

That is why if you are someone who links love with worry, all love in your life will be mingled with feelings of resentment and burden.

This is where relationships between parents and children are derailed.

If the parent is constantly worried about the child’s welfare, this means that the child’s very existence is a source of painful fears.  The child is then consciously or unconsciously perceived as a burden, and the parent will begin to feel resentment, which he will inevitably act out toward the child.

That is why worrying about someone is not really a sign of love.  It is actually a cause of resentment.

It is entirely possible to feel love and caring without worry.  It is just that most of you were systematically trained to associate “caring” with “worry.”

Worry does not help anyone.

If a loved one is enduring a crisis, feelings of worry and anxiety for that person’s welfare will actually make you less capable of helping your loved one.

When you are worried about someone, you automatically disconnect from that person.  You begin to distance yourself, to try to ease the terrible pain of worry.

If you examine this, you will see it is true.

This also applies to global issues.  The more you sit around worrying about climate change, the less likely you are to do anything truly constructive.

And on an energetic level, radiating feelings of fear toward a person or a situation is quite detrimental and counterproductive.

The next time you find yourself worrying about someone, notice if that feeling increases or decreases your sense of true loving connection with that person.  Just pay attention, without judging yourself.

Being aware of these patterns is the first step toward healing them.  

Today we ask that you not believe your fearful thoughts.

This is not easy.  Fear is hard-wired into your bodies.  All animals have a strong fear response, and it is of course useful in the wild to avoid predators and dangers.

The problem is, humans have a fear response that is suited to the life of a tribal hunter-gatherer, but not to modern existence.

Most of you do not live in immediate danger.  You do not have to be alert for wolves and saber-toothed tigers.  Your enemies will not try to kill you today.  Chances are, today you are quite safe.

But your minds are hypervigilant.  In the absence of real threats, the mind has a habit of imagining and inventing threats, and reliving past traumas.  The average human mind dedicates a lot of energy to imaginary fears.

This fearful tendency of the human mind leads to chronic anxiety, which in turn causes all manner of physical and mental illness.  It also tends to create drama.  Anxious, fearful people tend to behave defensively, and aggressively.  Wars have been known to start because of such fears.

In other words, the state of chronic anxiety actually has a way of creating unnecessary drama and trauma that reinforces the fearful thinking.

If you are a fearful, anxious person who feels victimized by a hostile world, most likely your experience of reality will reflect that.

People who are chronically anxious sit around imagining things to be anxious about.  They may then create real dramas in their lives, because they are reactive, defensive, and aggressive.

Changing these patterns is possible.  But it requires a committed desire to do so.

First of all, it is good to begin a meditative practice.  All meditative practices create space between fearful thoughts, and reactivity.  This space is crucial.

Drama is created by people having fearful thoughts and mindlessly believing and reacting to them.  All wars begin this way.

But if you can create space between the fearful thoughts and your reaction, you will greatly diminish your aggressive and defensive reactivity.  This will allow you to act with greater consciousness and intelligence, and create less drama and suffering in your life.

In addition to meditation, it is good to examine your fearful thoughts, and ask if they are really true.  99% of your fearful thoughts are false.  If you begin writing down your fearful thoughts as you have them, you will see over time that they are almost always false or misleading.

It is good to exercise the body.  This relieves the build-up of anxious energy in the physical body.  It is good to spend time in calming, natural environments.  It is good to be around animals, and small children.  It is good to receive massages, and healing touch.

It is good to avoid caffeine and stimulants, which intensify anxious energy in the body.

You must all find your own way.  But it is essential that you do find methods of clearing anxious thoughts before they take root and cause you to react mindlessly to them.

In truth, a person who has learned not to mindlessly react to his fearful thoughts is much better able to cope with a real crisis, when it arises.

You are not victims of a hostile world.  Nor do you have to be victims of outmoded cave man neurology.

You can evolve, right now.  And you can pass these practices and techniques on to your children, so that they do not live their lives ruled by fear.