Today we ask that you release your need to control other people in order to feel safe.

People waste a lot of energy trying to control what others think, say, and do.

They do this often because they feel threatened by what others think, say, and do.

Tyrannical dictators are so threatened that they might have countless people imprisoned or killed, all to control the actions of others.

But needing to be “in control” is a fool’s game.  Control is always fleeting.  No one stays “in control.”  Control is always lost, sooner or later.  This is the fundamental truth of your reality.  You really are not in control of anything, and attempts at control are doomed to failure.

Trying to control other people is crazy.  Yes, some people are expert manipulators, it is true.  The world is full of little tyrants and con artists who are skilled at human manipulation.  Advertising experts work to influence human thought, programming people to want to buy things they don’t need.  Pundits try to influence public opinion.

But really this is all a great waste of energy.

People worry about what others think, and try to manipulate and influence.  This is a great waste of energy.

Parents try to control their children.  The best form of parenting is to be a good role model for your children.  Trying to control a child’s thoughts is a losing game.

The desire to control does not come out of love, even if you believe it does.  The desire to control comes out of seeing others as a threat, or as a resource to be exploited.  That is what the desire to control is.  Love does not enter the equation.

Controlling other people will never make you feel safe.  In fact, it only increases the sense of threat in the long run.  No matter how smart you may be, no matter how expert a manipulator, you can never control all the variables.  Something will always erode your control.

Trying to control other people and reality is like trying to hold back a flood with a leaky dam.  You will always be plugging up one hole or another.  It is an exhausting way of life, doomed to fail in the end.

So what is the alternative?

Release the need to control other people.

What other people do, say, and think is none of your business.  Let them be.

If someone’s words or actions directly impact you, then you are presented with a simple choice.

1.  You can say “yes,” agree, and go along.

2.  You can say “no,” disagree, and refuse.

3.  You come up with another alternative, a third way.

For example: a toddler is throwing a tantrum because he wants ice cream.  Your choice is a) give the child the ice cream, b) give the child nothing, or c) offer the child something else.

Beyond that, what is there to be done?  You can’t really control what other people think, say, and do.

The main thing you can do is just work on yourself to become a calmer, saner person.

The calmer and saner you are, the less you will even want to control the hearts and minds of others.  Ultimately it is quite childish to believe that others should think, say, or do what you feel is right.  It is also a tremendous waste of energy.

Just work on yourself.  Let go of trying to control anyone else.

Today we ask that you work on being sane.

In many ways, this is the most important work anyone can do.

The vast majority of humans are not sane.  That is because they have been taught and believe many crazy, untrue things about life and reality.

This may sound harsh, but it is true.  If you were transported back in time five hundred years, perhaps to medieval Europe, you would immediately look around and think: “These people are all crazy!”  You would be shocked by their superstitions, their violence, their beliefs about medicine and science.  If you voiced your objections, they would very likely burn you at the stake.

Human civilization has made enormous advances in the past five hundred years.  Humans are less crazy and ignorant than they used to be.  Yet madness and ignorance persists.

This is not a judgment.  It is just an observation.  You cannot judge someone for being ignorant, or for believing crazy things — especially when he has been taught and conditioned to do so.

But it is possible for people to gain wisdom, and become sane.

The sign of sanity is peace.  The more peaceful an individual or culture is, the saner they are.  The more disturbed and violent an individual or culture is, the more insane they are.

This makes sense, doesn’t it?  Peaceful people are sane.  Disturbed, violent people are insane.

To be disturbed and violent means that you are always attacking something.  The attack may be inwardly directed at the self, or outwardly directed at other people.  Either way, it is insane.

So becoming sane may be defined simply as to “stop attacking.”  Stop attacking yourself, stop attacking other people.  Stop attacking in your words, your actions, and ultimately your thoughts.

The opposite of attack is appreciation.  When you appreciate people and things, the attacking mind is turned off.  This makes you sane.

So sanity is created by the increase of appreciative energy, and the decrease of attack energy.

This is something you can consciously work on, the way someone does exercises to build muscles.  Observe when you are “attacking,” and work on curtailing this habit.  Cultivate the energy of appreciation as you would a muscle — by practicing, by flexing it.

The saner you are, the more intelligent you are.  You will make better decisions, and lead a calmer life.  Even when other people are crazy around you, you will not become crazed.

This is the most important work you can do.  A peaceful world starts with you — here, now.

Today we ask that you find constructive ways to listen to other people’s advice.

In this life, someone is always going to want to tell you how you should be doing things.  Parents, teachers, peers, bosses, people on the internet, people on TV.  Everyone has an opinion, and people tend to believe that their way is the right way.  

Of course, a wise teacher is truly wonderful.  You can learn a great deal from a wise teacher.  Your whole life can positively change, thanks to a wise teacher.

But all the people with opinions out there aren’t necessarily wise.

So how can you discern whom to listen to?

One way to tell is to notice how you feel around this person with advice or instruction.  Do you generally feel calm and peaceful?  Perhaps you feel a pleasurable excitement at learning new things.  

Or does this person’s teaching make you feel tense, agitated, and fearful?  Does it put you in a bad mood?

That is one way to discern.

Another way to discern is to look as objectively as you can at the person giving the advice or instruction.

Is this a peaceful person?  

No one is perfect, of course.  Almost everyone has ups and downs.  But look at the life that this person is creating.

For example, if it is a yoga teacher, does this person have a healthy body, and an ability to relax through yogic practices?  Does this person create a safe, health-inducing environment for his students?

Another example: if it is a parent who is giving out instruction on the best way to parent children, does this person lead a balanced, healthy life?  Are parent and child both healthy and thriving, by following this person’s guidelines?

Just because someone tells you what to do, or writes down an opinion on the internet, does not make them an authority on any subject.  

Look at your own parents.  They may have a lot of advice for you, on how to live.  But have their own habits, beliefs, and practices created peace and joy in their lives?  If not, you should probably not listen to their advice.  It doesn’t mean you don’t love them.  But if you want to lead a saner life than your parents, it is best not to do what they say.

As a general rule, it is not wise to listen to the advice of a miserable person.  In particular look out for self-righteous attitudes, and someone who takes himself very seriously.  

As a general rule, the more capable you are of creating peace, health, and joy in your own existence, the more fit you are to help others to do the same.   And you will not be self-righteous or take yourself too seriously, if you are peaceful and healthy.  

 So just learn to be discerning.  This does not mean, harshly judge people.  

But when you encounter someone who is full of self-righteous advice, be discerning.  What is this person’s energy like?  What is your own energy like around this person?

When you find a wise teacher, clasp him close to your heart.

But be wary of miserable, opinionated people, who want to tell you how to run your life.  

Today we ask that you know that life is good.

Life is good.

It is not just good only if it meets certain conditions.

It is not just good if you are rich and successful.  Ask any rich, successful person.  They will tell you all about their problems.

Maybe you believe that in order for life to be good, you need a mate, or you need to have a child.  But people with mates and children will tell you all about their problems, if you ask them.

Maybe you believe that life is good for the young and beautiful.  But young, beautiful people have all sorts of problems.  Just ask them.

And so on.  If you believe that the goodness of life is conditional, then it will always be conditional.  Happiness will be temporary, and fleeting.  The conditions will keep changing.

Imagine someone who believes that life is good only when the weather is sunny, and mildly warm, but not too hot.  Such a person will only feel good on days that meet those conditions.  Most of the time he will be unhappy.  

This is how most people live.  So it is no wonder that most people are miserable.  They are always chasing the perfect conditions, when life will finally be good.  They will never get there.

Life is intrinsically good.  It is good whether it is sunny, or raining.  It is good whether it is hot, or cold.  It is good regardless of the conditions under which it exists.  It is just good.

It is good right now.

If you believed this, and loved life unconditionally, you would experience life as good.  Your joy would no longer be conditional.

One way to cultivate this is to consciously practice feeling good, regardless of external circumstances.

It is best to do this when you are basically in good health and there is no major upheaval going on in your life.  This is a good time to practice experiencing life as good.

You can connect with the goodness of life when you are in the supermarket, the post office, commuting to work, or taking care of a child.  You can connect with the goodness of life when you are eating a simple meal.  You can take a walk outside and marvel at the wonders around you.  Right now, wherever you are, you can connect with the goodness of life.  The trees, the sky.  Can you delight in the sheer fact that you are alive?

Many a man on his deathbed would give anything to have what you have right now.  A dying billionaire would spend all his money to be granted life.  This life so many people take for granted, and continually complain about.

Life is good.  Believe it, and you will experience it.  Right now.

Today we ask that you understand the power of belief.

Belief is extremely powerful.

Perhaps you are aware of a phenomenon called “the placebo effect.”

This occurs when people are given medication by a doctor, and told that this medication will treat their symptoms — reducing pain, for example.  Unbeknownst to the patient, the medication is an inert sugar pill, containing no drugs. And yet remarkably a great many people who take placebos experience relief from their symptoms.

This is all because of the power of human belief.

In the case of placebos, the people who experience the strongest effects are those with a strong faith in the authority of the doctor writing a prescription, as well as a general faith in the effectiveness of pharmaceutical drugs.

In cultures where people believe in black magic and voodoo, “curses” exist.  All that is necessary is for the victim of a curse to believe in the power of the black magician who is cursing him.  If you believe that a black magician has power, and you believe you have been cursed, then the curse can become quite real for you.  

However, if there is truly no part of you that believes any such thing, then you cannot be cursed.  (That said, even the most educated, science-minded individual may be prone to unconscious superstitions in these matters.)

So belief is extremely powerful.

All that is required for you to give your power away to some other person is the belief that they are an “authority figure.”  In reality, this “authority figure” may not be much of an authority at all.  You may even be consciously aware that your various bosses and parental figures are highly fallible individuals.  But if you believe these people have power over you, then they will.  

And it really is a belief.  You may believe that you are powerless in the face of a certain authority figure, even someone you have little respect for.  You may point to external reasons as to why you are trapped and victimized by this other person.  

But in reality, most people are not in a prison, and no one is holding a gun to their head.  Their powerlessness is a belief, and if they stopped believing in their powerlessness, their situation would change.  However, the externals change only after the internal beliefs are changed.  In fact, if the internal beliefs change, nothing in external reality has to change, but you will feel completely differently about your situation.

So if you are frustrated by some situation, examine your beliefs around it.  In particular, look to where you are giving your power away.

It is a tendency hardwired into the human brain to believe in the words of authority figures: parents, teachers, priests, doctors, bosses, policemen, celebrities, billionaires, judges, critics, experts, and people who say things on TV and the internet.  

Who are these people?  They are all fallible, flawed people.  Some of them may be measured, thoughtful, and good-hearted.  Others are prejudiced, irrational, and reactive.  Many of them really have no idea what they are talking about.  

Yet you put your faith in them, and so they become like “witch doctors.”  Should you feel “accursed” by such a person — if you are told that you are defective or worthless in some way — then this curse will become real for you to the degree that you place your faith in this particular authority figure.  

Many of the beliefs told to you by authority figures in childhood become internalized, take on a life of their own, and form your identity.  Whether you identify as a “liberal atheist” or “conservative fundamentalist” may have nothing to do with you, but is completely a byproduct of the beliefs laid down for you by authority figures.  

If you are frustrated and unhappy, the problem is not with reality, but with your beliefs about yourself and reality.  And most of these beliefs may not even be your own.  You may have picked them up long ago from some unreliable authority figure to whom you are still giving all your power.  

So what can you believe in, if not the words of authority figures?

You possess an inner wisdom, centered in the body.  The more you quiet your thinking mind through meditative practices, the more easily accessible this wisdom becomes.

This wisdom can tell you what is true, and what is false.  Most of what you hear in this world is false, but sometimes you will encounter truth.  Often you may be confronted by a mixture of truth and falsehood, as is the case with the world religions.  It is also true in the world of science, which reveals many truths.  But scientists are far from infallible — as any scientist worth his salt should be the first to tell you.  

The sign of a wise man is someone who readily admits how little he knows, and how limited is his perception.  This is the height of wisdom.  Beware anyone who proclaims himself an “expert,” let alone a “genius.”  Beware anyone who claims he has cornered the market on The Truth.  

Question everything.  Science, religion, what your parents say, what your friends say, what the voices on the TV and internet say.  Question, question, question.  Pay attention to what sits well with your heart, and what does not.  Learn to discern what is true from what is false.  

Beliefs are extremely powerful.  They are far more powerful than drugs.  

Therefore, be very discerning about what you swallow.

Today we ask that you learn to release your emotions in healthy ways.

Emotions are a lot like bodily waste.  They need to be released regularly, and in the correct places.  This may sound crude, but it is the truth.

When emotions are suppressed, they become backed up.  Pressure builds.  This leads to “emotional incontinence” — angry outbursts, rage, panic, depression.  

If you do not relieve your bladder and bowels, eventually you will have an “accident.”  

Angry outbursts, rage, panic attacks — these are the “accidents.”

“Accidents” are not always caused by emotional suppression, although this is the main cause.  Some people simply have never been trained in the correct way to release emotion, like a child who has never been “potty trained.”  So they are always spewing their negative emotions everywhere, and are generally rather unpleasant to be around.  It is easy to judge people like that, but they do not know any better.  They have not been trained.  

So what does it mean to have healthy emotional habits?

It just means that your release your emotions in a safe, regular, and healthy way.  You neither hold in your emotions until they get backed up, nor constantly spew them everywhere.  

Life tends to be full of shocks, traumas, and dramas.  It is good to cry when these things happen.  It is good to simply feel your feelings, including negative feelings.

What is not okay is to be emotionally incontinent, and spew your negative feelings all over the place — either because you are holding them in past the breaking point, or else simply think that it’s okay to spew your negative emotions everywhere.  It’s not okay to spew your rage and hysteria on other people, even hapless innocent bystanders who just happen to get in your way at the wrong time.  

It could be said that the main purpose of therapy is provide people with a healthy, regular outlet for emotional release.  A trusted therapist’s office is a safe and appropriate place for such a release.  People used to go (and still go) to weekly confession with a priest for the same purpose, though concepts of guilt, shame, and sin can muddle that process.  

If you do not go to regular therapy, writing in a journal can provide this healthy release.  Get in touch with your feelings, in a safe space.  Meditation creates a safe space to feel your emotions.  Going on a retreat, even going to a spa — these practices, these places are healthy, safe outlets for emotional release.

The emotional and physical body are deeply intertwined.  If the emotional body is backed up and toxic, physical and/or mental illness very often follows.  

You know that therapy is helpful when you feel a sense of lightness and release by the end of a session.  

Learn healthy emotional habits.  Do not be someone who is emotionally incontinent.

That said, “accidents” do happen.  Be forgiving with yourself around these incidents — they are often just a sign that there is an emotional build-up that should not be ignored.  

Perhaps thinking of difficult, emotionally unstable people as having a kind of incontinence will help you have more compassion for them.  It is really is a very accurate description of the condition.  

Today we ask that you not “make mountains out of molehills.”

This English expression has to do with making a big drama out of something that is really not all that important.  It is about keeping things in proper perspective.  A little molehill is not Mount Everest.

But of course making mountains out of molehills is precisely what most people do all the time.  The most trivial and mundane issues can stir up major dramas.  Bills, gossip, the lives of celebrities you don’t know, the weather — everything is a molehill to go make a mountain out of.

If you pick up a magazine from thirty years ago, you will find that a few of the major new issues at hand may still be memorable today.  However, everything else is trivia that has already passed out of public awareness.  The lives of movie stars in 1970 were very important in 1970.  Today they are less than molehills.  They are almost nothing.

So it is with the dramas people experience in life.  While a few of the major headlines may last, most daily drama is extremely trivial in the scheme of things.  Matters of deep urgency to you when you were twelve years old are quite meaningless at fifty.

And yet people experience tremendous stress around their daily dramas.  They suffer, they complain, they nurse grievances.  Meanwhile, outside it might be a beautiful day, and they have no awareness of it.  Whole lifetimes pass by with people distracted by their little dramas, their molehills, and they never appreciate the beauty of a sunset, or even the laughter of their own children.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.  You can consciously choose to reduce the experience of drama in your life.  This requires the ability to step back from your daily dramas and assess if they are truly mountains, or molehills.

Sometimes there are major crises, major upheavals, major traumas.  But right now if you are someone with a roof over your head, food on your table, and a basic level of physical health, then very likely the dramas that consume your life and cause you stress are, for the most part, molehills, not mountains.  

So when you are feeling stressed about some drama, ask: is it really worth feeling so upset about this issue?  Do I really need to work myself up over this thing?  Do I really need to throw a tantrum over it (even if it is only an internal tantrum)?  

The path to wisdom and true intelligence lies in being able to discern that most human dramas are “molehills.”  At a certain point of evolution, even mountains become molehills.  

This is not to trivialize human experience, or say that everything is meaningless.  Far from it.  You are surrounded by profound meaning.

A sunset is profoundly meaningful.  The divorce of a celebrity you do not personally know is not.  

By discerning what is meaningful from what is not, your experience of life grows deeper, richer, and more satisfying.

Today we ask that you let go of feeling sorry for yourself, or anyone else.

In life, you meet with adversity, obstacles, and unfairness.  This begins in earliest childhood.  Children experience a lot of falls, bruises, failures, and blows as they learn to walk about and do things.  They also experience many things as unfair.  Why does their big brother get to stay up late, and not go to bed?  Why can’t they eat all the cookies?

So children cry, and throw tantrums.  And that is normal and good.  It’s good for the body to release emotion when there is pain or trauma.

The problem arises when the child begins to believe that he is truly a victim.  This is usually picked up from parents and authority figures — grown-ups who are themselves strongly rooted in “Victim Identity.”

So the child is taught that the world itself is unfair.  Perhaps the child was born into a particular race, or social class, or with a disability.  Authority figures teach the child that the adversity he faces is indeed unfair, that he is handicapped, that he cannot expect to enjoy life the way more privileged individuals do.  

The parent or authority figure who teaches such things feels sorry for the child.  And the child learns to feel very sorry for himself.  Life is not fair.  He is a Victim.

The tantrum, rather than being a temporary emotional outburst, now becomes a chronic state.  A deep dissatisfaction with reality grows.  There is always a tantrum going on under the surface, manifesting as depression, anxiety, rage, or addictive behavior.

All this begins in the moment you believe that life is truly unfair, that you are a Victim, and that you are justified in feeling sorry for yourself.

This is not to minimize traumatic events.  Humans can and often do experience deeply traumatic events.  

But there is a healthy way to move through trauma, to grieve, to release emotion.  

What is not healthy is to move into a state of chronic victimhood and feeling sorry for yourself.  Where you believe that your life can never be okay, because of these things that happened to you, possibly many years ago.  This is a self-perpetuating belief system.

And this is why it is not healthy to dwell in the state of feeling sorry for yourself.  Nor do you help anyone else by feeling sorry for them and affirming their Victimhood.

When you meet with adversity, it is good to let yourself feel your emotions, to cry and grieve a loss.  But be conscious of the tendency to create a story of Victimhood around it, to complain, to feel sorry for yourself.

Parents, do not teach your children that they are Victims.  Help them to release emotion and trauma.   But do not think of them as Victims, even if they deal with disabilities, or unusual challenges.  This is not easy.  But feeling sorry for your children simply will not help them at all.

This is true for everyone.  When some you care about experiences a trauma, please do not think of them in your mind as “Victims.”  Do not pity them, do not feel sorry for them.  By no means should they suppress their emotions.  Help them to grieve.  But do not hold an image in your mind of them as “Victims.”

This may sound cruel, or uncaring.  It is anything but.  Holding an image of someone as a Victim, identifying them as a Victim — this is extremely corrosive to a person’s long-term well-being and health.

If you were growing a plant in a pot, and for some reason came to believe that this plant was pitiful in some way, a Victim, and felt sorry for it — that energy would actually be corrosive to the plant’s health.  The plant might even droop and wither in order to fit your mental image of it.  That is how corrosive Victim Consciousness really is.

So if you truly love someone, please don’t think of that person as a Victim, or feel sorry for them.  Instead, hold an image in your mind that they are healed, healthy, whole, and strong.  

This is the best thing you can do — for others, and most importantly for yourself.

Today we ask that you release the need to make a drama out of what other people do and don’t do.

If you could do this, you would let go of a source of great suffering.

Humans spend a lot of time feeling upset about what other people are doing, and not doing.

Other people are constantly failing your expectations, which makes you feel personally threatened, angry, or disappointed.  Why are other people like this?  Why can’t they just be better than they are?

Even spiritually open people are subject to this.  They get upset by other people’s negativity, by other people’s lack of spiritual evolution.  Why can’t those people understand how destructive their behavior is?

Here is some advice that will transform your life:

Do not be concerned with what other people do or don’t do.

Work on yourself.  Work on raising your own vibration, on creating internal calm and well-being.  Other people are not your concern.

You may protest: my boss does this, my spouse does that, my child does this!  Their behavior directly affects me!  Of course it is my concern!  

And yet is it not.

If someone is causing you harm or attacking you, then it is up to you to remove yourself from that situation.  Only you can do this.  

However, in many situations, when people believe that others are harming and attacking them, in truth this is not the case.  It is your own mind that is attacking you, and you are projecting that out on to other people, who may not be thinking the thoughts you assume they are thinking.

In general, people are very preoccupied with their own dramas.  People are self-absorbed.  Far from this being a problem, this is actually a good thing.  It means that people aren’t thinking about you and judging you nearly as much as you imagine.  

That is why it is great wisdom to unhook your sense of well-being from what other people appear to be doing, or not doing.

Work on yourself.  Create internal well-being and harmony.

If you are calm and peaceful, then invariably you will have a calming effect on others.

This doesn’t mean you can control their actions.  But the calmer you are, the calmer other people around you will be.

That is why the wisest action is always to just work on shifting your own energy.  You cannot control or change other people.  But if you work on yourself, you will awaken compassion, and project less judgment out on to the world.

The calmer and more compassionate you are, the more you will be a relaxing presence for others.  In this way, you can become a “People Whisperer,” the way some people who have a calming presence on animals are called “Dog Whisperers” or “Horse Whisperers.”

At the end of the day, humans are not so different from dogs and horses.  They are soothed by someone who is calm and compassionate.

A “People Whisperer” has let go of any desire to control other people’s behavior.

That is the paradox: the moment you let go of trying to control other people and force them to do what you want, the more amenable they become.

So stop focusing outward on others.  Focus inward.  Focus on calming and expanding your own energy.  Do not be concerned about other people.  Even your boss, your spouse, your child.  This may seem impossible, but it is completely possible — and it is a direct path to peace and joy in life.  

Today we ask that you keep it simple.

Keep it simple.

It doesn’t matter what “it” is.  Whatever it is, keep it simple.

Humans have a habit of creating drama.  They take something simple, and make it into a big drama.

And that is okay.  But often with all that drama comes a lot of unnecessary suffering.

Keep it simple.

For example: someone is interested in another person romantically.

The simple thing to do is just to ask the person out, make the feelings clear, and see what happens.

But instead people make a big drama out of it, and agonize and suffer.

With everything you do, everything you think, there is a simple way, and a dramatic way.

Love is very simple.  When it is a big drama, it is not really love.  Other factors are at play.

If Romeo just loved Juliet, and she loved him, it would be simple.  But Shakespeare was a master dramatist, and so his characters had to make a drama out of it.

Life itself is very simple.  You are born, you grow, you learn, you play, you create.  You eat and sleep.  Sometimes you meet with adversity.  Sooner or later, you die.

Every task before you can be done simply, or you can make a big drama out of it.  People can make a big drama out of washing the dishes or vacuuming the rug, if they’re so inclined.

Sometimes you meet with adversity.  Sometimes a big wave comes, and knocks down your sand castle.

The simple thing to do is just build another sand castle.  Maybe this one will be even better.

Or maybe you realize you don’t like building sand castles that much, and would rather do something else.  That’s simple, too.

Just don’t make a drama out of it.  It’s okay to cry with grief and disappointment when your sand castle is knocked down.  But don’t plan a lawsuit against the ocean.

Keep it simple.  Don’t make a big drama out of it.