why you need space from your parents

Today we ask that you love, but do not necessarily believe, your parents.

Some people are graced with parents who are very spiritually awake.

The majority of you are not so fortunate.

And that is okay.  It is only natural that most of you would be more awake and aware than your parents.  With each generation, there is more openness.  Most of you would not accept the racial intolerance and prejudice that was commonplace in your grandparents’ generation.  Evolution has occurred.

It is easy to see that you are more awake than many of your grandparents.  But it is harder when dealing with your own mother and father, or step-parents.  Even though you may be more spiritually awake than your parents, there is a strong, hard-wired tendency for children to deeply crave the approval of their parents.  This holds no matter how misguided or crazy your parents may be.  This holds no matter how old you are.  Many older people still crave the approval of parents who have died and left this physical plane.  

Some of you may be very conscious of your parents’ weaknesses.  You may even vow that you wish to be nothing like them.  And yet unconsciously, you still desperately crave their approval.  This craving can be the undoing of many a spiritually awake person.  For the unconscious is in conflict with the conscious mind.  Consciously, you may understand that your parents are misguided about many things.  Yet unconsciously you crave their approval, and fear their disapproval.  Through this “back door,” all manner of false beliefs and destructive behaviors may seep in.  

Some of you may know people who have exceptionally crazy parents.  They may know their parents are crazy, and have gone through therapy.  And yet deep down they are still terribly attached to their parents.  They care what their parents think, and wish to please them.  Many bright lives have been stunted in this way.

“Honor Your Mother and Father” is a misunderstood saying.  Many parents take this to mean: “My children should do what I tell them, and share my beliefs and values.”

This is not true.

“Honor Your Mother and Father” means living in the radiant light of your soul.  It means following the guidance of your higher, spiritual self — not the tribal and cultural beliefs indoctrinated into your parents, which they in turn have tried to indoctrinate into you.

Here is an easy guide:

Do you consider your parents to be peaceful, fulfilled individuals?  Are their lives full of love, and joy?  

If so, then you may listen to their guidance. 

However, if your parents are unhappy, troubled, miserable people with a lot of drama in their lives, you should not listen to their guidance.

This doesn’t mean, don’t love them.  Please cultivate deep compassion for an unhappy, misguided parent.  But do not listen to them.  Do not believe their stories and their judgments.  

Notice the ways in which you crave parental approval.  To really come into your own light, you cannot live to make your parents happy.  This will keep you forever a child.

For a tree to grow, it needs space.  If there are too many other trees crowding around, it cannot get enough sunlight.  Its growth will be stunted.  This is what happens to many children who cannot get enough distance from their parents.  This is true sometimes even with fairly well-adjusted parents.

It is part of a healthy growth process to become your own person, in your own space, free of your parents.  Always love them, but be your own being.  Do not crave their approval.  This will only stunt your growth.

Parents, if you truly love your children, do not cling to them.  Let them go.  Clinging to them will only stunt their growth.  Let them follow the path of their souls wherever it leads — even if you fear for their safety.  You cannot protect them from life.  Do not crowd them, or overshadow them.  This will block their light, like a big tree hovering over and smothering a little tree.

Children, honor your parents by following your soul.

Parents, honor your children by giving them the space to follow their souls.  If you are truly following your own soul, instead of living vicariously through your children in some way, this will not be so difficult.

Too many bright and beautiful lives are stunted by unhealthy relationships between parents and children.  Trees need plenty of space to fully grow in the light.  So do people.