Today we ask that you not be cynical. 

Cynicism is a very easy stance.  It is the stance of the wounded romantic, the wounded dreamer, who points to the cruelties of the world and says: “It is all hopeless, it is meaningless.  This is a horrible world, and anyone who doesn’t acknowledge this is a delusional fool.”

Often it is considered intelligent to be cynical.  It is considered a mark of wisdom.  Intellectuals are classically cynics.  After all, only a stupid fool would not be cynical, in this world.

This is really nonsense.

It is normal for everyone to go through cynical phases.  Adolescents and young adults often pride themselves on their cynicism.  It is cool to be a cynic, to tear everything down, to see the world as a purely horrible, oppressive place.  It is cool to hate stories with happy endings, to see such stories as fantasies, inauthentic to tragic human experience.

But really, this is nonsense.

It is a sign of true maturity and wisdom to transcend cynicism.  To fall back in love with the world and life, even with your eyes open to all its horrors.

True wisdom and maturity lies in appreciation.  Appreciation of all the beauty and kindness that is around you.  The beauty of the sunrise, the green plants.  The food you eat.  Modern conveniences like running water, the joy of the hot shower.  You are surrounded by miracles.

Sometimes it is not so easy to see this.  But please do not believe the cynics who say that all smart people know life is empty and meaningless.  This is a lie.

There is nothing intelligent about that point of view.  It is the perspective of the brooding adolescent.

Life is not horrible.  If you believe it is, then yes, you may very well experience life as being horrible.  You look around and see nothing but misery and horror.

Your beliefs are like a pair of glasses.

If you believe life is horrible, the glasses will filter out everything that doesn’t reflect horror and misery.  You will only perceive what you expect to perceive.  Everything you see will confirm your cynical worldview.

If you believe life is miraculous, then you are wearing glasses that will allow you to perceive miracles everywhere you go.

These are not “rose-colored glasses.”  It is not about being delusional.

However, if you had a choice, and you do…

What would you prefer to wear?

So-called “rose-colored glasses”?

Or glasses caked with foul-smelling slime?

If you enjoy being a cynic, then by all means, be cynical.

But it is more likely that you will enjoy life far more with gratitude and optimism.

Really, the truth is that someone who cultivates gratitude is wearing the clear, clean glasses.  It is the cynic who wears glasses caked with dirt.  

Today we ask that you do nothing.

This may not mean what you believe it means.

Doing nothing does not mean you are inactive.

Even when you sit still or lie down, a lot is going on with you.  Your body is doing many things, your mind is doing many things.  You always breathe, your blood circulates, your organs function, your food digests.  When you sleep, your brain is active.  So you are not capable of inactivity.

Doing nothing means letting go of the need to “do something.”  More specifically, it is letting go of the ego’s need for control.

When people are awake, they believe that they are constantly supposed to be “doing something.”  They must “keep busy.”  So people are always running around doing something.

They say to themselves: “I should run this errand,” or “I should write this email” or “I should go work out at the gym.”

And then they stress and worry about doing all of those things in the right way, while in a hurry to get on to the next thing.  While they do one thing, they are already thinking about the next ten things.

All this comes from a need to control your life.  If you are always busy and stressed and worried and strategizing about all the things you must do, then you believe you are “doing something.”  You believe you are controlling your life situation.  

Doing nothing is letting go of that control.  Really it is letting go of the illusion of control, because the truth is, your ego is not in control of anything, even if it likes to think it is.

It is hard to describe the state of not-doing to someone who only understands what it is like to operate out of the ego’s need to always be doing something and stay in control.

Those who meditate may experience the state of not-doing.  It is a deep relaxation of the mind.  It is simply being present with what arises, without trying to control anything.

People who experience “the flow” also know what it is like to “do nothing.”  Athletes, artists, musicians, mathematicians who get totally lost in their work, losing their sense of self and feeling part of something much bigger that is moving through them — that is the state of not-doing.

So you see, “doing nothing” does not mean that nothing is happening.  Someone “in the flow” appears to be doing something.

But “flow consciousness” is a very different thing than “ego consciousness.”

The ego mind looks at athletes and artists and scientists and believes that these people really are doing something, that they are totally in control of their experience.  That is why the ego is very obsessed with prizes and awards for athletic and artistic and scientific achievement.  “Look, I did this!  It was all me!  I was in control of everything the whole time!”

But this is a lie, and it is very misleading.

When people set out to imitate “geniuses,” attempting to replicate their success, inevitably it never works out.  You get a cheap copy.  It doesn’t feel right, and people can always tell the difference.  

This is because the “genius” was in the state of not-doing at the moment of his great creation.  He was doing nothing.

Whereas the imitator is trying to do something.  

It is difficult to explain.

Consider the mother who gestates an infant.  The mother is “doing nothing.”  Something miraculous is happening, but she is not doing it.  She is not in control.

Miraculous things happen when you do nothing.

But as soon as the ego steps in and asserts itself, when it tries to “do something,” the magic is gone.

That is why people say “lightning can’t strike twice.”  The magic of being in the flow state cannot be forced or replicated by the ego mind, no matter how hard the ego tries.

However, it is possible to live from a state of not-doing.  It is possible to cultivate “flow” in your daily existence.

However, you will be asked to give up a few things:

You must give up your need to be in control.

And you must give up your need to take credit for your accomplishments.

When you are not-doing, when you do nothing, and the life force moves through you, the way it does through artists, athletes, and scientists who are “in the flow”…

… it is not you who does this thing.  Not the Little You, the Ego.  The ego is not in control, when you are in the flow.

Once you are out of the flow, the ego will reassert itself.  It will say it was in control the whole time.  It will take credit for everything.

The moment this happens, you shut off the flow.

This is the nature of all creative blockage.  It is why great artists often lose their spark as they age, and rest on their laurels.  

If you are an artist who wishes to create without blockage, take note of this truth:

Do not believe you are in control of your creation.

And do not take credit for it.

You may let other people believe that “You did it.”  But you must know otherwise.  It is the only way to keep the magic alive.

The great sages live from this place.  They know that they are not in control of anything.  They do not take credit for anything.  They do nothing, and surrender to the life force that moves through them, and all creation.

All spiritual quests end here.  In the realization that there is nothing to seek, no Grail to grasp.  Nothing to do.

Here is a practice that can help you to “do nothing,” and so cultivate flow:

As you go about your day, remind yourself that you are doing nothing.

“I do nothing, and breakfast is made.”

“I do nothing, and the car finds a parking space.”

“I do nothing, and the email is written.”

This may sound very crazy.  The ego will kick and scream at this, and say it is nonsense.

But if you gently remind yourself that you are doing nothing, that something bigger is moving through you, then magic will arise in your life.

When it does, don’t try to control it, or take credit.

It is okay if you don’t believe this.  Play with it.  

“I do nothing, and my bills are paid.”

“I do nothing, and my mind and body get a good night’s sleep.”

Notice any resistance that comes up.

Today we ask that you examine your beliefs around stress.

Most of you don’t like the feeling of being “stressed.”  This is a feeling of being tight, anxious, worried, scared, exhausted, and spread too thin.  It is not a pleasant feeling.

And yet many of you believe that it is necessary to experience stress in order to accomplish anything.

Society promotes the image of the “Superachiever.”

This is the “Type A” personality.  The ambitious, workaholic perfectionist.  Such people work late into the night, guzzle down caffeine and stimulants, and get little sleep in pursuit of their goals.

The Superachiever takes many forms.  He or she may be the corporate ladder climber, the entrepreneur CEO, the doctor who never sleeps, the lawyer who puts in eighty hours a week at the firm, the Supermom who juggles a career and perfectionistic motherhood.  He or she may be a super-athlete, running marathons, competing in triathlons, pushing through injury and pain.  She may be a woman who obsessively works out and slaves over her appearance and clothing in order to achieve a fashion magazine-like appearance.  He or she may be Super-religious, obsessed with being the Perfect Christian, the Perfect Jew, the Perfect Muslim, the Perfect Buddhist.

There is no judgment about this.  There is nothing wrong with having goals and working toward them.

The issue is that society holds up models of such “Superpeople,” promoting Superachiever-hood as the proper role of any responsible person.  To be considered a “slacker” in such a society, to not be a driven, perfection-seeking person of one creed or another, is considered lazy, irresponsible, and even immoral.

Many people simply accept all of this without question.  

And yet there is no absolute truth to this.  It is a belief system, nothing more.  

Many people who judge religious people as being foolish for their blind faith, swallow dogmatic beliefs about workaholic super-achieving perfectionism even more blindly than the average fundamentalist.  

People are taught from early childhood that they must strive for perfection.  They should be Supermen and Superwomen.  They should be Supermoms and Superdads, Superworkers, Superathletes, Superearners, Superachievers, Superpeople.

Naturally, any “Superperson” must be constantly stressed.  You cannot really achieve a high level of superiority without being a caffeine-guzzling workaholic who burns the candle at both ends, never sleeps, and constantly stresses and strategizes.  Can you?

Even people who consider themselves very progressive and spiritual fall into this.  They must be Super-ecological, Super-spiritual.  They must do more yoga and spend more hours in meditation than others. They must be the perfect holistic spiritual parents, raising perfect holistic spiritual children.  And they are very stressed about being green and ecological and holistic and spiritual and perfect.  They feel very guilty if they do not live up to their perfect ideals.

You know, really this is all very crazy.

It is also highly counterproductive.

Consider the case of the “Supermom,” who constantly stresses because she must create the ideal environment and upbringing for her children.  What do you think happens there?

The stressed mother passes her stress down to her children.  The children become stressed and unhappy.  Eventually they may come to resent their controlling, perfectionistic mother.  They may rebel in different ways.  The mother will not get the perfection she seeks.

Such things are true in general with the pattern of the Stressed Superachiever.

This is not to minimize people’s achievements or devalue their efforts.

The question is:

Is it necessary for people to be exhausted, stressed, anxious and unhappy in order to create and do good things?

Isn’t it possible that a relaxed, happy, stress-free individual might create more, with far less wasted effort?

And yet people believe that relaxation is a sign of irresponsibility and laziness.  You are only allowed to relax when you are on vacation.  Even then, you should be productive in some way.

These beliefs are really very crazy.

If humans beings allowed themselves to relax and enjoy life more, what do you believe would happen?

Would civilization end?

Would everyone be lazy and irresponsible?

Or would you, in fact, have a much healthier and mentally stable population capable of creating far more with less waste?

At least ninety percent of physical and mental illness in industrially developed countries is stress-related.

The point is: the Cult of the Perfect Superachiever is making a lot of people very sick.  And there is nothing productive about that.

What would happen if you stopped believing that being stressed is a sign of moral virtue?  

You don’t like being stressed, do you?

Do you believe that you do more because of stress?  Do you believe that without stress, you and other people would be lazy?  Maybe you believe that you are lazy and irresponsible, because you are not a workaholic like other people.

Maybe you believe that you would be bored if you did not experience constant struggle.  After all, that is what all your movies and TV shows and novels are about — people under stress, people who are struggling.  Without stress and struggle, there’s no drama.

But is it true, that you would be bored?  Maybe if you had less drama in your life, you would actually be far more creative.

There’s no judgment around any of this.

We simply invite you to examine your beliefs about stress.  Particularly if you believe that being stressed out and pushed beyond your limit is a sign of virtue and makes you “worth something” in this world.

Today we ask that you really live your healthy habits.

It is one thing to read a lot of self-help books and spiritual books and even blogs like this one.

It is one thing to nod and say, “Yes, that sounds very good.”

It is easy to nod at these things when you are sitting comfortably in a chair.

But when you are out in the world, do you live from this place?

When events frustrate and upset you, do you live from this place?

When you face adversity, do you live from this place?

When your family members do or say upsetting things, do you live from this place?

When someone is rude or aggressive to you, do you live from this place?

It is, as they say, one thing to talk the talk, and another to walk the walk.

This is not a judgment or criticism.  It is not an easy thing to walk the walk of living from spirit and the heart.

However, if you do not learn to walk this walk, even with faltering baby steps, you will not find lasting peace in your life.  Reading beautiful words is not enough.

Why is it so hard to live by the beautiful words?

Mostly it is because deep down you do not yet really believe them.

Many people turn to healthy and healing spiritual practices from a place of crisis and injury.  It is like someone who has chronic back problems.  Eventually the pain gets so bad that the sufferer seeks help.  At that point, the sufferer learns that the pain is brought about mostly by unhealthy habits.

Someone with chronic back pain usually has issues around posture, the way they sit, how much they sit, etc.  In order to ameliorate this pain, they must be taught a whole new way of carrying themselves and sitting, as well as therapeutic exercises.

The back pain sufferer may have great therapists.  But unless he actually does the exercises and changes his posture and habits, the pain will persist.  Such changes do not happen overnight.  They take time.  The sufferer must be patient with the process.  

It is the same with spiritual teaching.  You may have sought out spiritual teachings because you are suffering pain in life.  You may read the words of great teachers or learn directly from great teachers.  

But unless you change your spiritual posture and habits, and practice the exercises, as part of a long term process, the pain will return.

Often, when you are on the spiritual path, you get very tired of having to do all of this.  You compare yourself to your projections of “Normal People” who appear to live successful lives without all this spiritual mumbo jumbo.  It seems unfair that you can’t just be like those people.

You may say: “Yes, yes, I believe in living from the spirit and heart, but really I would like to manifest a big bag of money that will solve all my life problems.”  Or “Yes, yes, I believe in living from the spirit and heart, but really what I need is a soul mate so that I can be happy.”

And then you get frustrated, and lose your faith.

You say: “Look how spiritual I am!  Why have I not manifested a big bag of money, or a dream job, or a soul mate?”  

If you are Buddhist, you might say: “Look how much I meditate!  Why have I not yet experienced samadhi, why have I not yet had an enlightenment experience?”

When you are at this crossroads, you will see if you can really “walk the walk.”

Many people give up at this point.  “It is all worthless, it is lies, it is nonsense.  Here I am being so spiritual, and I am not getting what I want in life.  I am not even ‘enlightened’ yet.  Meanwhile, all these non-spiritual people are making bags of money and having successful careers and marrying soul mates.  What is the purpose of it all.”

Really, you know, this is a very good place to be.  If you can push through the resistance you feel at such moments, that is when things start to get really interesting.

There is nothing wrong with bags of money and dream jobs and soul mates and samadhi experiences and all these things you desire.  

However, if you do not walk the walk of truly living from the heart and spirit, the money and the job and the soul mate and even the samadhi experience will not sustain you.

It is like the difference taking a drug to mask symptoms of illness, and being cured.

Drugs mask symptoms, but the underlying condition does not go away.  Usually it gets worse.

To cure a condition, usually you must make real changes to your lifestyle and habits over a long period of time.

That is why it is so important not just to read the words, but to really live from the place of spirit and heart.  To make it a habit.  To unlearn all the unhealthy patterns, and replace them with healthy patterns.

Otherwise you will not cure the condition.  That is, even if you are happy when you are getting what you think you want, the moment you meet with adversity, you will crash into despair and hopelessness.  You will only feel good when things are “going your way.”

Curing the condition means being at peace with what is happening, whether it is “going your way” or not.

Or rather, it is perceiving that everything actually is going your way, even if appearances suggest otherwise.

Today we ask that you wear shoes that fit.

What does this mean?

You all know what it is to look for a new pair of shoes.

A good shoe is one that fits your foot well and is a match with your personal energy.

Sometimes when you find a really good shoe, there is an immediate sense of “Oh, yes.”  Such is a shoe that you will wear often.  It will become a favorite shoe.

Other shoes you have to talk yourself into buying.  The fit or the look is not exactly right.  Sometimes people will buy a shoe that looks good, but doesn’t fit the foot.  Other times a shoe will be a bargain, and you may talk yourself into buying it because it is cheap.

You will not be happy with that shoe.  It will either sit in your closet unworn, or you will not feel good wearing it.

Many things in life are like this.  Shoes.  Clothes.  Cars.  Places to live.

Jobs.  Partners.  Friends.  

Your whole identity.

That is why it is good to learn to be really discerning and honest with yourself about what feels like an energetic match, and what does not.

Shoes that do not fit can be very irritating, but at least you can take them off.

It is harder to remove an identity that does not fit.

When something does not fit, it is painful, and often somewhat obvious.

Sometimes when a couple breaks up, the friends will say: “That person did not fit with you.  You are much better off without that person.”  It is unpleasant to hear, and may not be true.  But often there is a truth to it.  A friend who really knows you and accepts you for who you are can sometimes perceive these things better than you can.  

If only we could know ourselves as well as we know our good friends.

Of course, we do know ourselves.  That is why we have to talk ourselves into things in the first place.  We already know that the shoe doesn’t fit, but the voice says: “It’s a bargain!” or “You need shoes like this for work” or “You look attractive in those shoes.”

Sometimes you may see a woman wearing tight, high-heeled shoes that she cannot walk in.  She stumbles, and is in obvious pain.  Why would she wear such shoes?

Because a voice in her head, or some external voice, suggested that she would be more attractive in such shoes.

But it is not really all that attractive to stumble about with your ankles buckling, in pain.

So that voice isn’t really telling the truth.  The voice that talks you into doing things is usually wrong.

It’s wrong about shoes, homes, jobs, and relationships.

Watch out if you are talking yourself into something.

It’s easier to take off a pair of shoes that doesn’t fit than a career that doesn’t fit.

At the same time, do not be afraid to try something new.  It is not necessarily wise to only wear the same old broken-in pair of shoes all the time.  Do be open to new experiences and new ways of doing things — the same way you try on a pair of shoes in the store.  It is good to try things on for size.  

It is a fine balance.  Do not force something on yourself that does not fit you.  At the same time, be open to trying new experiences.  

There is a difference between being open to something new and talking yourself into something.

The pull toward a positive new experience will feel good and exciting, even if you feel butterflies in your stomach and nervousness.

Talking or forcing yourself into something will feel unpleasant, like a grind, or bumping into a wall over and over.  Wearing uncomfortable shoes is a good analogy.  It just doesn’t feel right no matter what you do.

There is a difference between the great new pair of shoes that need to be broken in, and the tight shoes that will never fit no matter how hard you try.

It may seem like a subtle distinction.  But if you know how to really listen to your heart and be honest with yourself, it is a big difference.  

Today we ask that you know that life is simple.

The human mind manufactures a lot of complication.  The human mind says life is complicated.  Look at all the things you must know and learn just to function in this complicated world.

But really, life is simple.

For animals and small children, life is simple.  

Sleep.  Eat.  Play.  Love.  Take care of your body’s needs.

That is really all there is to it.

Take care of the body.  Play.  Love.  Create.

Life is good.  The world is good.  Everyone dies out of physical form, and that too is good.  

Everything is in balance.

Sometimes there is pain and hunger.  Sometimes it is not easy to care for the body.  But there is no mental suffering over this, no story of injustice.  Pain is temporary.  The body heals, or it dies.  There is no story about it.

But the human mind, in all its intelligence, manufactures complication.

You see, animals and small children know that life is good.

But grown-ups believe that life should be better.

Therein lies all the complication, all the mental anguish.

You believe that life should be better than it is.

The question is, how?  How should life be better than it is?

Everyone has a different answer.

Religious people believe life would be better if everyone were more religious.  They believe everyone should be more religious.

Atheists believe life would better if everyone were atheists.  They believe everyone should be atheists.

Liberals believe life would be better if everyone were liberals.

Conservatives believe life would be better if everyone were conservatives.

Hitler believed life would be better if the world were unified under fascism and purified of inferior races.

And so on, and so on, and so on.

Can you see that this is a great lie?  Believing that life should be better?

And yet probably, you, too, believe that life should be better than it is.  In your infinite wisdom, you may have many ideas about improving life.

There is nothing wrong with envisioning your world as a healthier, more loving place.

But there is a difference between holding this vision, and believing that life should be better right now.

Life is good.  Life is perfect.  Right now.

It cannot be more perfect.  It is perfect.

There is no better world that should exist.

There is no better You that should exist.

It is the “should” the manufactures complication in life.

Should is a judgment.

Things should be a certain way.  You are angry that they are not this way already.  It is unjust.

There is a big difference between “should” and “could.”

You can imagine what a healthier, more loving world could be like.  You can imagine what a healthier, more loving You could be like.

But when there is judgment about the world, when there is judgment abut yourself and others — when there is a “should” — then you are caught up in complication, misery, lies.

Be simple.  Be simple.

Take care of your body.  Play.  Love.  Create.

Like a child playing with blocks, imagine what could be, and build that shape.

But do not have a story about how it should be better.

Do not look at your blocks, and think “This block building should be better.  That person over there has a nicer block building than I do.  It is unfair!”  Or “This block building should be better.  That person over there has a nicer block building than I do.  I’m a worthless failure!”

When people discuss “manifestation,” this is the main confusion.

People have forgotten how to create from the place of “Playful Could.”

Instead, they seek to gratify their desires from a place of “Judging Should.”

For example:

“I could write a book!”

“I should write a book.”

Even in these phrases, can you feel the difference?

With “I could write a book!” there is playful enthusiasm.

With “I should write a book,” already there is judgment, pressure.  You are obligated to write this book.  You are calculating the logical reasons why you should write this book.  Really, you should have already written this book.

Who do you think is more likely to actually write the book?  The person who says: “I could write a book!”  Or the person who says: “I should write a book.”

“I could” is simple.

“I should” is complicated.

Look at your dreams, your desires, your actions.

Do they come from the place of “Playful Could”?

Or do they come from the place of “Judging Should”?

The more you align with “Playful Could,” the more you will enjoy the life experience, in a very simple way.  And the more you will actually create.

Stop thinking that life should be better, with all your judgments.

But if you have a great idea, coming from a place of “Playful Could” — by all means, act on it.

Today we ask that you stop comparing yourself to other people.

This is a very destructive habit.

You look at someone else’s life, and you feel a pang of envy, or competitiveness.  Why isn’t your life more like theirs.

This is really an insane thing to do.

For you have no idea what that person’s life is truly like, even if you know them very well.  You cannot know what it is to inhabit another person’s skin.  You do not know the challenges they face.

And while you are fixating about this imaginary other life, you are neglecting your own.

Even worse, you are abusing yourself.  You are telling yourself that you are not good enough.  You are ungrateful for all that is yours, for the life that is yours.  You are rejecting your own life.

It is a very unhealthy habit.

You can only be you.  There is no one else you can be.  If you try to imitate someone else, you only set yourself up to suffer.

Look at the animals.  Every animal is unique.  A cat does not wish he were a dog.  A dog does not wish he were a rabbit.  Beyond that, one dog does not wish he were another dog.  They do not think in such terms.  Animals may feel envy and competitiveness, but they do not think: “Well, if I were more like the other dog, my human would love me more.”  Such thoughts do not occur to animals.

Only humans torment themselves in such ways, and they are conditioned to do so.  Early on, children are taught that they should strive to imitate models of perfection.  One learns about “Good Boys” and “Good Girls,” model students, star athletes, and popular kids.  The process of comparison begins early, and it never ends.  Such children go on to become adults who continually compare themselves to other, “more successful” adults, according to their particular models of perfection.

This is a terrible waste of energy, and a recipe for constant misery.

Cats are cats, dogs are dogs, and you are you.  You can only be you.  You cannot be anyone else, and no one else can be you.  And that is how life is supposed to be.  There is no mistake.

Your intrinsic You-ness existed before you were born into your physical body, and it will continue after your body dies.

That is how much of an individual you are.  Even physical death cannot extinguish your individuality.

Nothing can extinguish your individuality, though you may try your damnedest to do so.

You may imitate people in magazines and on TV and in self-help books until the cows come home.  You can try and try to perfect yourself according to some other person’s standard of perfection.  You can try and try to be the Perfect Husband, the Perfect Father, the Perfect Wife, the Perfect Mother, the Perfect Executive, the Perfect Christian, the Perfect Athlete, the Perfect Artist, the Perfect Spiritualist.  You can even try to be the Perfect Nonconformist.  Many people do.

This is hopeless behavior.  Whenever you try to be “The Perfect Anything,” you will fail.  This is a law of the universe.

That is because these models are perfection are projections.  Figments of the imagination.  They do not exist!

It is a wonderful thing to be inspired by other people.  It is a wonderful thing to learn from inspiring people.

But if anyone, including the voice in your head, ever tells you that you should be like someone else and have their life and do things their way, this is a great lie.  Do not believe this.  

The truly fulfilled human is just himself.  All he does is just be himself.  He’s not trying to play a role.  He’s not trying to be like anyone else.  He really does not think that way.  He just does his own thing, and enjoys it.  That is what the fulfilled human does.

Today we ask that you let go of the desire to control other people.

You may not think of yourself as “controlling,” and yet most people are.

It is common for people to want to control others “for their own good.”  Parents and teachers, for example, want to control children “for their own good.”

As a child, when a parent or teacher tried to control you “for your own good” — what was your response?  Most likely you recoiled from this energy.  Perhaps you rebelled against it.  Or if you gave in, it was with resentment.  

This is how all beings respond to control and manipulation, even if it is well-intentioned.

This is because controlling others “for their own good” shows a fundamental lack of respect and honor for the being’s individuality and selfhood.

Everyone is unique.  While you may help and guide another, you may not forcibly impose your will on another without damaging and violating that being — no matter how good your intentions may be.

You cannot force another person to love you.

You cannot force a child to live safely and responsibly, according to your definition of those terms.

You cannot force a partner or spouse to live the way you believe is right.

You cannot force authority figures or people in positions of power to change the way they think.

You cannot force another person to treat you with respect.

You cannot force a business associate to accede to your demands, no matter what you think you deserve.

Every time you attempt to use force to get what you want, especially when you are imposing your will on someone else without respecting and honoring that person’s individual soul, it will backfire.

Every single time.

Even if you get what you want in the short term, in the long term, you will fail.

This is called “winning the battle, but losing the war.”

The controlling parent may win many battles with his children.  But in the end, he will lose the war.  For the child will come to deeply resent and disrespect the controlling, manipulative parent.

While the controlling parent may crave his child’s love above all things, in the end he shall lose what he most desires.  Sadly, the death of a controlling parent is often a cause for great relief for the child.

Forcing your will on other beings, no matter how right or justified you may believe you are, is a violent, abusive act.

Obviously, parents need to set healthy boundaries for children.  But this must be done with a deep respect for the child’s individuality, selfhood, and soul.

If this respect is lacking, your action will always backfire.

Always.  Always, it will backfire.

You cannot make someone love you.

You cannot make someone honor your needs.

You cannot make someone respect you.

You can, however, love yourself, honor your own needs, and respect yourself.

The more you love yourself, respect yourself, and honor your own needs, the less you will need to make anyone else do anything.

The old adage that says if you love something you must set it free is very true.

Freedom, trust, honor, respect.  Without these, there is no true love.

If you cannot trust, honor, and respect someone enough to give him freedom, then you really do not love this person.  People are not puppets and playthings, even if you believe you are a very benevolent puppet master.

Today we ask that you sing your song.

Only you can sing your song.

You are a completely unique being.  No other human in this world is like you.  While all humans share similarities, every human is as singular as a snowflake.  Even identical twins are wholly unique.

And yet humans are taught from an early age not to be themselves, but to be like other people.

Depending on your culture, you are taught that you should meet certain cultural norms.  You are taught that you should be a “Successful Man” or “Successful Woman,” according to your culture and your family’s values.

Terrible misery arises out of this.  Unique boys and girls diligently work to fulfill the cookie cutter roles that their societies and families promote.

While there has been some evolution in this regard — in many countries, men and women are somewhat freer now than they were, say, in the 1950’s — this cookie cutter patterning still goes on.  And it has not evolved as much as you may believe.

For example, in the U.S., the “American Dream” prevails.  Men are expected to strive to be affluent professionals;  women are expected to marry an affluent professional, even if they are themselves affluent professionals.  They are expected to buy houses, to have children, to send their children to good schools so that they can in turn become or at least marry affluent professionals, who in turn buy houses and send their children to good schools, and so on, and so on…

Most people do not question this at all.   This system seems correct, desirable, and virtuous.

Of course, if you are born in a country where older traditions are still prevalent, or into a family that practices a fundamentalist religion, you face different expectations.  As a woman, you may expect to be married and child-bearing while you are still young, and may not have any choice about whom you are married to.  As a man, you may be expected to take up a family trade, or leave a rural environment to move to the city and take an industrial job to support your family, without any choice in the matter.

If you are born into such a culture, these systems will seem correct, desirable, and virtuous.

But not everyone is cut out for the roles their families and cultures expect them to fulfill.   To do so is to wear a constricting corset that does not allow you to breathe — as so many women used to, because of societal mores.

Listen to Shakespeare in this matter:

To thine own self be true.

You are best served, your family is best served, your culture is best served, and humanity is best served when you express your unique energy and sing your unique song.  Even if you meet a great deal of resistance from your family, you are in fact doing them a service by singing your unique song.

If you feel unhappy and constricted in life, probably it is because you are not singing your song.  You are trying to sing someone else’s song.  It is likely that you are singing it off-key.

That is why not everyone really succeeds in these cookie cutter roles.  Try as hard as you may to please your family, if you are not cut out for the law, medicine, or finance, you will not thrive in those environments.  Others for whom those roles come naturally, out of a true match with their unique energy, will always do better.

To thine own self be true.

If you are a parent, you can only be the kind of parent you are.  Attempting to parent in someone else’s style will only backfire.

So often, people are told that they should be more like other people, and not themselves.

When children are taught this, they begin to lose sight of who they really are.  By the time they are adults, they do not know their song anymore.

But the song never goes away.  It is always there.  It longs to be expressed.  And the unhappiness so many people feel is really just their unique song, wanting to be sung.

When people are joyful and fulfilled in life, it is because they sing their song.

If you feel like you have forgotten your song, you must find silence.  The silence of meditation is a way for your song to emerge.  Tools like free associative journaling also aid in the emergence of the hidden song.  You must create space, and listen.

Please know that your unique energy is magnificent and wonderful, no matter what you have been taught by parents and teachers, bosses and coworkers and magazine articles.

Do not believe the voices that criticize you for all that makes you unique.

Choose to be around people who love you for who you are.

You will only really do so when you begin to love yourself for who you are.

Today we ask that you learn to embrace other minds.

So often, people who are spiritually open and sensitive feel besieged in this world.  Relationships and interactions are like a minefield.  People are so full of destructive, attacking thoughts directed at the self and others.  Interactions with individuals who are not spiritually open and sensitive can leave you feeling bleak, dark, and hopeless.

And yet life as a spiritual being really doesn’t mean you should shut yourself away in a Himalayan cave or an ashram or monastery.  While retreats can serve an invaluable purpose, it is important at a certain point to return to the world, to be in the world.

But it is a tricky business, interacting with people who are spiritually unconscious.  That is not a judgment — there is nothing wrong with being asleep.  You have all been asleep, and you are all waking up.  In time, your sleeping brothers and sisters will awaken, too.

The best thing to do around people is to be open to what they say, and yet not necessarily believe them.  

What does that mean?

Interacting with others is like panning for gold.  The old gold miners in California and Alaska used to fetch mud off the river floor, and run it through a process that would separate gold dust out of the mud.

Everyone you meet is full of gold, or spiritual truth/love.  But the process of growing up out of childhood in your world tends to fill most people’s minds with a lot of mud.  The mud is attacking, destructive thoughts directed at the self and others.  

When you talk to people, generally you will hear a lot of attack thoughts directed at the self and others.  The litany of complaints and judgments and gossip.  This is the “mud.”

But you may also hear some true wisdom and insight, a spark of true creative vision, words of love, something very precious.  That is “gold.”

If you learn to differentiate between the mud and gold of human thought, you will have no problem interacting with other people.  You will discard the mud, and keep the gold.

It is the same with your own thoughts.  Most people have muddy thinking, bogged down by attack thoughts directed at the self or others.

But there is also gold in the human mind: clarity, presence, insight, wisdom, creativity, love, appreciation, harmony, beauty, healing.

It is good to learn to pan for the gold within your own mind.

“Gold” and “mud” can also be called “truth” and “lies.”  A lie is anything that drives you away from loving yourself and loving reality.

When you stop believing lies, you will have no problem being with people.

In fact, you’ll be very open and curious about discovering the gold hidden within other people, and loving and appreciating that gold.

Solitude has its place, but it is good to be with people, at least some of the time, with an eye for discovering gold.  If you wall yourself away, you may miss out on a precious insight.  The insight may be obscured, or hidden — but if your heart is open, and you do not believe lies, you will find it.