why controlling others always backfires

Today we ask that you let go of the desire to control other people.

You may not think of yourself as “controlling,” and yet most people are.

It is common for people to want to control others “for their own good.”  Parents and teachers, for example, want to control children “for their own good.”

As a child, when a parent or teacher tried to control you “for your own good” — what was your response?  Most likely you recoiled from this energy.  Perhaps you rebelled against it.  Or if you gave in, it was with resentment.  

This is how all beings respond to control and manipulation, even if it is well-intentioned.

This is because controlling others “for their own good” shows a fundamental lack of respect and honor for the being’s individuality and selfhood.

Everyone is unique.  While you may help and guide another, you may not forcibly impose your will on another without damaging and violating that being — no matter how good your intentions may be.

You cannot force another person to love you.

You cannot force a child to live safely and responsibly, according to your definition of those terms.

You cannot force a partner or spouse to live the way you believe is right.

You cannot force authority figures or people in positions of power to change the way they think.

You cannot force another person to treat you with respect.

You cannot force a business associate to accede to your demands, no matter what you think you deserve.

Every time you attempt to use force to get what you want, especially when you are imposing your will on someone else without respecting and honoring that person’s individual soul, it will backfire.

Every single time.

Even if you get what you want in the short term, in the long term, you will fail.

This is called “winning the battle, but losing the war.”

The controlling parent may win many battles with his children.  But in the end, he will lose the war.  For the child will come to deeply resent and disrespect the controlling, manipulative parent.

While the controlling parent may crave his child’s love above all things, in the end he shall lose what he most desires.  Sadly, the death of a controlling parent is often a cause for great relief for the child.

Forcing your will on other beings, no matter how right or justified you may believe you are, is a violent, abusive act.

Obviously, parents need to set healthy boundaries for children.  But this must be done with a deep respect for the child’s individuality, selfhood, and soul.

If this respect is lacking, your action will always backfire.

Always.  Always, it will backfire.

You cannot make someone love you.

You cannot make someone honor your needs.

You cannot make someone respect you.

You can, however, love yourself, honor your own needs, and respect yourself.

The more you love yourself, respect yourself, and honor your own needs, the less you will need to make anyone else do anything.

The old adage that says if you love something you must set it free is very true.

Freedom, trust, honor, respect.  Without these, there is no true love.

If you cannot trust, honor, and respect someone enough to give him freedom, then you really do not love this person.  People are not puppets and playthings, even if you believe you are a very benevolent puppet master.

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