Today we ask that you don’t create big dramas out of little things.
People are always creating big dramas out of little things.
Your boss said something. Your client said something. Your spouse said something. Your child said something. Your parent said something. It may have really been an innocuous thing. But in your mind, it gets blown up into a big drama. Suddenly, you are at war. You seethe with resentment.
In reality, nothing really happened. You may even have completely misunderstood whatever was said.
And yet sometimes people get so out of hand with their drama that before you know it, they’ve quit their job or lost their job or separated from their spouse or started a big family feud.
Sometimes the drama is triggered by a traffic jam, or a car repair, or backed-up plumbing, or a bill. Sometimes it’s because the neighbor is making noise, or the child misbehaved, or the cat threw up.
People create huge dramas out of such little nothing things.
It’s because your emotional temperature is set so high. People are so stressed and unhappy that even the slightest additional pressure causes them to boil over, and explode.
Stop taking it all so seriously.
It’s not easy to do this. Many people were trained as children to take everything very seriously and blow little things out of proportion. As children, many of you went to schools where you received grades on tests. You were taught that receiving a bad grade on a test was a very big problem. You may have been taught to experience a lot of shame and drama over grades.
This is a very counterproductive method of teaching. The best learning occurs through playful exploration. As soon as learning becomes a high stakes drama where one’s whole future hangs on the line, true learning and growth is actually strongly deterred. It’s amazing anyone learns anything within that system. That system also helps to build a world full of high-strung people who blow up at the drop of a hat.
Please teach yourself how to relax, and put things into proper perspective.
Engage in meditative practices that relax the anxious mind.
When you notice yourself experiencing a big drama over something, ask yourself: is this really as bad as I think it is?
Is it worth ruining my whole day over this?
Is it worth ruining someone else’s whole day over this?
Is there a less dramatic way to approach this issue?
Never react impulsively to a problem, if you can help it.
Don’t write that email or make that call when you are in a state of emotional agitation.
Step away. Calm down. Go for a walk. Talk to a friend who may be calmer and have a more objective perspective than you.
Turn down your emotional temperature, before taking any action.
The drama in your head may insist that terrible things are happening and you must do something to protect yourself! You must rectify the situation! Right this minute!
But is that really true? Are you sure? Can you be certain?
Sometimes there are genuine life crises, it is true.
But a bill or a car repair or a misbehaving child or an obnoxious comment from someone at work does not constitute a life crisis.
Learn not to make big dramas out of nothing.
When the emotional fire starts, pour water on it. Not lighter fluid, as most people do.
It is fun to watch dramas in movies. But humans have a habit of creating big dramas in their lives. If you enjoy those dramas, you may indulge in them (though unfortunately you will most likely inflict your drama on other people). Probably you don’t enjoy drama in real life, however. Probably you find real life drama stressful.
So just ask, when a drama is triggered:
Is it worth ruining my whole day over this?
Is it worth ruining someone else’s whole day over this?
Be honest.
wordfromthewell 
Hi,
You’ve been so helpful these past few months –to be honest, you’re still helpful now. I’m trying to stay mindful all day long with everything I feel, sense, think and do.
I mainly feel fear in my life, and a sense of being a victim of life itself:of what happens to me. Your posts where there in my mailbox, waiting for me to understand all these days. It’s been quite magic –I supose it’s been only for me but that’s fine.
There are a few questions I want to know, how many times a day do you meditate? What techniques do you follow? Do you stay mindful all day? You always talk about engage with meditation that’s why I’m wondering. I think I want to meditate like you do! 🙂 can you give any advice?
Many thanks for all.
Hi Maria!
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so happy to know that the guidance has been helpful for you.
I think almost everyone feels fear and victimhood; I’m certainly no exception. The main reason I choose to write these messages down is because I need to hear them!
On meditation — in truth, I probably meditate less than my guides would like me to! In terms of a formal “sitting” meditation, generally I only do that once or twice a day for a ten to fifteen minute interval. I’ll set a timer for ten or fifteen minutes, sit on the floor with my spine straight, facing a wall, and either actively count my breaths or just focus on the sound of my breathing. My mind will wander, and then I come back to the breathing/counting breaths. If you lose count, you start again from “one.” It’s a very basic practice, but it’s effective. I learned this technique at a Zen Buddhist temple, so I suppose it’s in the Zen style known as “zazen” — but I think most Buddhist meditation follows some sort of breath observation/counting practice.
I also get a meditative practice out of doing yoga, usually five times a week. You have to find really great teachers who can make it as much of a meditative practice as a physical practice, but they’re out there. It doesn’t have to be “power yoga” or a very difficult practice; often you get more mindfulness out of a beginner level class. Yoga’s been an amazing tool for me in terms of calming fear and helping me to feel more empowered in my mind and body.
Another tool I’ve been working with lately are the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I’d read the book of “The Four Agreements” years ago, but a friend reintroduced me to them recently. Don Miguel Ruiz has very specific and strong teachings that help with those feelings of fear and victimhood you’re describing. Everything he’s teaching is in full alignment with the messages I get from my guides.
I’m also a great proponent of “The Work” of Byron Katie. Byron Katie wrote a book called “Loving What Is” that’s an introduction to her process. “The Work” is basically a mental process by which you inquire into the truth of your thoughts, particularly in regard to your judgments about other people. I find The Work to be an incredibly powerful tool, and something I turn to very frequently in my own life. If you look up “The Work” and Byron Katie online, you’ll find her website — there’s a lot of free material there. Really diving into the “The Work” will take you to a deeply transformative space.
I love Eckhart Tolle’s writings on mindfulness and the Power of Now as well. Between Byron Katie, Don Miguel Ruiz, and Eckhart Tolle, I feel like we’re so fortunate to live in a time where the teachings of true spiritual masters are so readily available.
The main thing is, find what works for you! It’s different for everyone. What resonates for me personally may not resonate for you. Also be open to the possibility that you can do your own channeling in the way I do on this blog! To do that, I would advise first doing some sort of mind-clearing meditation, then sitting down with a journal and just asking questions and listening to see if any answers come through. You might be surprised.
Hope that helps, Maria! And I’m happy to answer any further questions!
And please know that you’re not alone in feeling those feelings of fear… we’re all there with you.
One more thing, Maria! I have a very close friend who does spiritual coaching and hypnosis, and she’s been hugely helpful in my life. Her name is Linda Gabriel, and her website is http://www.lindagabriel.com. I don’t know where you live or if something like this is an option for you, but I know she often works with people over the phone. She’s a truly magical person, and I can’t recommend her highly enough. Linda’s the one who originally encouraged me to start “Word From The Well.”
Thanks for being so careful I’ve taken your words to the heart. Today I’ve went to my first yoga class and I’m willing to begin a routine of about two days a week. I also have the Four Agreements waiting for me on my e-book :).
About The work of Byron Katie: yes you’re right. She’s so sweet and the work is so useful that I can almost say Katie has changed my life. Also worldwide known Eckhart Tolle. I’ve read The power of now and I follow him on the net. We’re so lucky to access to people so wise and brillant. Although all that, I feel that Katie and Tolle are mainly focused on the thought patterns: you are not your thoughts, don’t believe what your mind says and so on. I think I need to work with emotiouns because I don’t feel secure whenever a strong emotion comes to me to stay. So: I’ve found useful meditation guides from Kristin Neff http://www.self-compassion.com . They have really helped me, thrugh them I get moments of pure awereness and I realise I’m making great steps.
I’ll take a look to Linda Gabriel site.
Many many thanks from heart.
That’s fantastic that you started yoga today! Like everything, it’s an ongoing process, and it’s all about finding teachers you connect with… that makes a big difference. Good luck with it!
It’s interesting that you would mention that you feel like The Work addresses thoughts more than emotions. One tool I often use in conjunction with The Work is something called EFT, or the “Emotional Freedom Technique.” EFT is a system by which you tap on a specific pattern of pressure points — the ones used in Chinese medicine, acupuncture, etc. — while focusing on your emotional state. It doesn’t take that long to learn how to do it, and it really helps with overwhelming emotions. You can find out more information at http://www.emofree.com, and there are many people who do tutorials on youtube showing you the tapping pattern. Linda Gabriel taught me how to do EFT, and it’s so useful — though the key is remembering to do it! That’s really the hardest part, remembering to utilize these techniques before you get completely lost in the strong emotion or fear.
Also, it’s important not to get down on yourself when you do have bad days. It happens to everyone. One of the ways we can torture ourselves is by believing that we need to be calm and enlightened all the time. In reality, some days are better than others. Even a master like Katie is the first to say she never stops questioning her thoughts.
Kristin Neff looks great. I’m excited to explore her work. Thanks for sharing! Yes, we’re so lucky to live in this time where all this wisdom is accessible.
Very happy to have this dialogue, Maria. Please feel free to get in touch at anytime.
It’s curious, it’s really helping, the tapping calms me down. I heard about this technique a few days ago by Gabrielle Bernstein, who recommended to practice it and to read the book. http://youtu.be/9UiLZGCtSzM
Thanks a lot. Looking forward to reading your next channeling.