Today we ask that you let go of your need to argue.
The knee-jerk reaction to hearing this is usually something like: “Well, if I don’t argue, then I will be rolled over!”
But this isn’t true.
Not arguing your point of view does not mean being a doormat.
You can always say “No.”
In fact, saying “No” without arguing or defending your viewpoint is usually more effective.
Arguing a point of view automatically creates “sides.” Suddenly, you are at war with an opponent. You are defending yourself, and attacking them. Naturally, the more they feel attacked, the more intractable they will become.
There may not even be a real person who you are arguing with. How much time do you spend arguing with mental projections of other people, in your mind?
Try it. Just try not arguing. You can start with those mental projections, the imaginary voices in your head that you have arguments with.
What happens when you stop arguing with the voices in your head?
The projection dissolves. Pay attention, and see. The moment you decide to stop arguing with a voice in your head, that voice will lose all its power.
Argument is a form of defense. When you argue with a voice in your head, you are defending yourself against that projection — and in doing so, you make the projection feel more real to you. When you stop defending yourself, all the energy will go out of the critical inner voice. Watch, and see.
It is true in life. When you stop arguing, you end the dualistic game of Us vs. Them, You vs. The Enemy.
Instead, you are left with the space of open possibility.
Without the argument, you are just left standing there, with another person, in an open space.
And now you can become curious. Now you can ask this person: what do you really want?
Perhaps now that you aren’t arguing with them, you can actually listen to what they are saying.
This doesn’t mean that you have to do what they want, or go along with them.
But you will be much better able to determine your course of action after really hearing the other person out, instead of reactively arguing and not really listening at all.
You can always say “No.” And you do not need to justify or defend your “No.”
We are not talking about situations in which violent force is being used. We are just talking about verbal arguments.
Try it. Even though you think you will “lose” if you do not argue, what you will discover is that when you let go of the need to defend yourself, you actually have nothing to lose.